If cats could write a diary, what would they write? Everyone knows that dogs are just happy to be alive so a typical dog’s diary might contain entries like this:
- 8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!
- 9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!
- 9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
- 10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
- 12:00 pm – Milk bones! My favorite thing!
Yet a cat’s diary might look more like this:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. Bastards!
To read more comparisons between a theoretical dog diary and a cat diary, click here.